Because society says so…

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Photo: Google images

“Society is funny. They ask you to be yourself and yet judge you.” ~ unknown

We are all influenced by society.  From the day we are born, we are automatically part of the “doing gender” game. Society places expectations on us, even as new parents, on what is appropriate colors to dress our newborn babies in, making sure the world can see whether their baby is a boy or a girl – pink or blue. Even as we grow up, society sets standards on what toys are appropriate for us to play with, and how we should walk, talk and act, according to our gender. These are the beginning expectations and standards that are placed on us as children, and we may not even realize it. We are inevitably being conditioned to society’s standards and expectations, and may be punished if we do anything other than… resulting in possible isolation or being labeled as a “freak” or a “deviant.” This may be one of the many reasons, I believe, so many youths may “act out,” trying to break free from the standards and expectations society places on them… screaming out, “THIS IS NOT WHO I AM.”

The people that surround us, throughout our lives (parents, teachers, friends, bosses, politicians, religious leaders, etc.), play a huge role on what decisions we make, how we live our lives, and how we look at ourselves… making us slaves to our own critical thoughts; am I too fat, too thin, too old, too beautiful, too strong, too weak, too emotional, too ugly, too boring, too successful, etc. Leaving some of us to ask the question… “are we really free?” As most of you know, by way of my blogs, one thing I am working on is consciousness. Consciousness on what is real and what is not, in this crazy society I live in. Deciphering what societal standards are just plain bullshit, and the expectations that are true to myself. For example, being a woman, I was taught not to have a voice, not to be stronger than males (physically or emotionally), not to express myself in any sense or to cause embarrassment. It wasn’t until about 13 years ago, in the wake of my divorce, I woke up and realized that I wasn’t at all the person I wanted to be, I wasn’t living the life that I wanted… to be simply free from the standards and opinions of others. That is when I started to take the steps to move forward from all of it, and finally be free… even if it meant doing the very things society says women shouldn’t do. FOR THE FIRST TIME, I WAS LIVING.

It is important to really question what we learn from society and what society truly expects from us. All the different individuals we are exposed to throughout our lives, that may say they have our best intentions in mind, may not really know what is good for us as an individual. Those best intentions are intertwined into the intentions of society, as a whole. We are all different in terms of our backgrounds, families, responsibility, priorities, struggles, and just simply how we define happiness and what makes each of us happy. Therefore, one plan does not fit all. It shouldn’t matter if we choose not to get married, not to have children, not to have a career, etc. It shouldn’t matter if we choose to love differently or not love at all… and it shouldn’t matter if we choose to be religious and believe in a god, or if we choose not to. The silver-lining here is to simply have respect for yourself, in the essence of knowing what you want and doing “just that.” To have respect for every person in what they choose to do with their own life, and stop placing labels and stereotypes on others. Be conscious in the sense that we all are different… again, one plan does not fit all. Being part of the solution, not part of the problem.

We all have our story, our own struggles, maybe in the sense of really figuring out who we are… who we are really meant to be. Learning to accept ourselves, regardless if society doesn’t. To truly love ourselves, regardless of judgement from others. Find yourself, follow your own heart and mind and stop labeling and judging others. Always do what is best for YOU and what truly will make you happy, because no one will ever know or love YOU as much as you do. 

Love always, @thedesiredgurl

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Promises… promises…

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Photo: Google images

With the holidays over, and the new year underway, we begin making a list of things we want to focus on for the year ahead, also known as “new year resolutions.” These are the promises we make to no one other than, ourselves. Promises to make changes in how we eat, how we exercise, maybe even how we save money… mainly to just be a better version of ourselves entirely. However, how many of these promises that we make to ourselves, do we actually stick with? In other words, how many of these promises are actually “life-changing… a promise that has such a powerful effect of change, that it changes who you are, therefore, becoming your best version of YOU every day?

During my journey of “self” the past few years, some of which I have shared with all of you here on my blog, I have come to realize that most of these promises, although maybe made in good faith, are not life changing. Can we actually stick with something, unless we make it life changing? Does it become a part of who you are and how you live? Does your promise to change something, anything, become so much a part of you, that you don’t even have to think about doing it… you just, DO, even on the days that are challenging? Have you asked yourself how much you love, YOU? If you don’t love yourself, how can you commit to yourself? How are the changes you want to make important enough, if you don’t even find, YOU, important enough? With that said, I believe there is ONE thing you must accomplish, before these promises can become truly successful:

Self-love is important to living well. It influences your perspectives and your perception of life entirely. It influences on how you react or respond to issues, therefore, having an overall effect on your health. So, what is self-love anyway, and how do you obtain it? According to the Oxford Dictionary, the simple definition of self-loveis the regard for one’s own being and happiness (chiefly considered as a desirable, rather than narcissistic characteristic). However, I came across this article a few years ago, that actually put things in perspective for me, when trying to understand what it really means to love myself. According to the article, A Seven-Step Prescription for Self-Love, self-love is a state of appreciation for oneself that grows from actions that support our physical, psychological and spiritual growth. Self-love is dynamic; it grows by actions that mature us. Our actions are the foundation of how we truly define ourselves. How we see ourselves, how we treat ourselves, how we deprive ourselves, and even how we better ourselves. If you don’t love yourself, completely and unconditionally, then how can you expect to accomplish any changes you want for yourself. Without self-love, you are unable to accept your weaknesses, as well as your strengths. You are unable to have true compassion for yourself… and if you don’t have compassion for yourself, how can you have compassion, or have an expectation to have compassion, for others, if others is what is included in your change?

Self-love cannot be bought, and it cannot be accomplished by reading inspirational books. Self- love is about loving ourselves unconditionally… with no expectations, no regrets and no false promises. To live life entirely through our own efforts and with intent, not through the permissions, expectations or acceptance of others. The author of the said article, Deborah Khoshaba Psy.D, notes her Seven-Step Prescription for Self-Love, which helped me along my journey of self-love, so I will also summarize and note:

  • Become mindful. Know what you think, feel and want, rather than what others want for you.
  • Act on what you need rather than what you want. Stay focused on what you need. Turn away from automatic behavior patterns that get you into trouble, keep you stuck in the past, and lessen self-love.
  • Practice good self-care. Take better care of your basic needs; nutrition, sleep, exercise, etc.
  • Set boundaries. Set limits or say NO to work, love, or activities that deplete or harm you physically, emotionally and spiritually, or express poorly who you are.
  • Protect yourself. Bring the right people into your life. GET RID of  “friends” who take pleasure in your pain and loss rather than in your happiness and success. Never let anyone dull your sparkle or steal your peace.
  • Forgive yourself. Don’t be so hard on yourself. You must accept your humanness (the fact that you are not perfect), before you can truly love yourself. Remember, there are no failures, if you have learned and grown from your mistakes; there are only lessons learned.
  • Live intentionally. Live with purpose and design. Your purpose doesn’t have to be crystal clear to you. If your intention is to live a meaningful and healthy life, you will make decisions that support this intention, and feel good about yourself when you succeed in this purpose.

The term, “self-love,” has come a long way. This term used to be connected to narcissistic ways, if you even mentioned loving yourself. This is no longer. Know who you are, your purpose, your intentions, and loving yourself will become easy. Love yourself completely and without conditions… love the ENTIRE YOU! When this is accomplished, any changes you want to make for yourself, whether it is at the beginning of the year, or throughout the year, will become without effort and life changing.

You can search throughout the entire universe for someone who is more deserving of your love and affection than you are yourself, and that person is not to be found anywhere. You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe deserve your love and affection. — Buddha

Love always, @thedesiredgurl

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The love that is envied…

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Me and Jordyn (my first born) – 1994

Over the past few years, I have had many friends have their first babies. Whether they are in their 20s, 30s or 40s, they are just starting this journey… the journey I have experienced, so many years ago. Having one son in his early 20s, and the other almost 17, the moment that is experienced, when you see your baby for the first time, is one that will forever be ingrained in my memory. Although remembering the exact smells, sounds, feels and yes, even pain, fades away over time, there is one thing that will always remain and be remembered in its entirety, as a mother…… the moment you look into your baby’s eyes for the first time and feel a love come over you, like never before. For the first time, experiencing the unconditional love that is shared between you, as a mother, and your child… a love that no, one person or one thing, can ever change or steal from either one of you.

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My sister in-law, Mel, and her daughter Stella (her first born)

I asked one of my “new mommy” friends (the inspiration of this blog) how she was and how her babies (twins) were. The first words that came out of her mouth were, “I never knew I could love a person(s) so much!” I immediately told her how much I understood…. because, even though my boys aren’t babies anymore, the bond you have with your children will never change. Sure, there is a bond automatically created between a mother and her child, while she is growing her child in her womb. However, when you hold your baby and are able to smell, feel and see them for the first time… reality is the factor of overwhelming emotion. Unconditional love is, in my opinion, a love that is experienced once in a lifetime. Some may find it in another adult, a significant other, however, the majority find this type of love only within their own children. Some even may argue that they experience this kind of love with their pets… the reason that pets may be so treasured in many families, especially a family with no children.

Unconditional love can be defined as affection with no limits or conditions… complete love. A love free from judgement and anger… a love that is fueled through sacrifices…. a love, when saying “I’m sorry,” is not required or needed. You see, to me, this may be difficult to find within another adult… not impossible, but difficult. We, as adults, carry so many judgments and expectations, and we get upset when those expectations are not met. I believe, we, as adults, don’t truly understand that so many of our expectations are formed through social media, movies, songs and even how we compare ourselves to others. When in reality, it is through our challenges and the strength of our love we have for the other, positively or negatively, that truly bonds a relationship. However, the unconditional love experienced through the relationship between a mother and her child, is one that cannot be explained. I truly believe it goes beyond the concept of unconditional. No matter what, through all the challenges that may come along, throughout life, your child will always love you, for YOU, and will never judge or doubt you, and will always trust you…. and vice versa. All this, starting at the very moment you meet them and hold them in your arms, for the first time.

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My friend, Shanna, and her son, Luke (her first born)

However, can we argue that the love between a father and child is the same?? Some may say yes, and some, no. Regardless, is it really fair to compare a father’s love to a mother’s? Comparing the undeniable connection that a mother and her baby feels, from the very first moment they meet. When they hurt, you hurt more. When they cry, you cry more. When they laugh, you laugh more. The unbreakable, unconditional bond that will last during both of your lifetimes… connected, not only genetically, but spiritually.  This is the love that is envied by many, misunderstood by some, and cannot be comprehended by others. This is the love that is even envied by some fathers. This is the love that, no matter the age, will never change, even through the struggles… this is the unconditional love between a mother and her child…

My boys have taught me a lot when it comes to loving another and being loved, unconditionally… overcoming all barriers, and never losing the strength of the love that’s shared.  I will always be grateful and in debt to them for this gift. I love you always Jordyn and Landyn…

A mother’s love for her child is like nothing else in the world. It knows no law, no pity, it dares all things and crushes down remorselessly all that stands in its path ~ Agatha Christie 

To all my mommies, enjoy every moment with your children. Learn from them and love them unconditionally and always… Love always, @thedesiredgurl

 

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Why I fell in love 3 times in my life….

As a college professor, I do a lot of research, in order to prepare for my criminal justice classes. I feel it is important to integrate recent events into my classes, as well as keeping my classes “fresh.” That being said, sometimes, while I am researching an article in the genre of criminal justice, the clicking of link, after link, after link, can sometimes take other twists and turns into completely different articles…. that are not so criminal justice in nature.

Recently, I was doing my usual research, and after a couple of hours, the clicking of the many different links lead me to an article that grabbed my attention so much, I actually stopped working on my classes that night. The link read, We Fall In Love Three TimesAs I was reading, this article just made sense. I started comparing and contrasting the article with my life, and what I have learned when it came to love. The changes in perspective on what love is, and the feeling of love I have felt throughout my life, each being totally different, and how each have truly taught me something… becoming more mature, stronger, or even more sensitive, and helped shape the person I am today. So, can you agree that we only fall in love, truly fall in love, 3 times in our lifetime?? That falling in love with each of these 3 individuals is with reason. Here are my thoughts and personal experience regarding this theory….

The first time we fall in love is when we are very young, perhaps its while we are in high school, maybe even college… in essence, the age groups during these years. This love is identified as the idealistic love—this is the love that appeals to what we should be doing in our relationship, for society’s sake, and maybe our family’s. We enter into it with the belief that this will be our only love, and it doesn’t matter if it doesn’t feel quite right. That we find ourselves having to swallow down our personal beliefs, to make it work, because deep down, we believe that this is what love is supposed to be… in this type of love, how others view it, is more important than how we actually feel being in it. I remember my first love, while in high school. However, as I look back on it, using the mindset of a 44 year old, instead of a 16 year old, I look at it more like a crush or a lust type of love…. in essence, puppy love. I did anything for this guy, and I can agree that living up to the expectations of how society viewed our relationship, in general, was more important than how I actually felt about the relationship… being happy in it. We go off the innuendos of movies and romance stories to tell us how the relationship should be. I truly felt that we would be together forever and that this love, without precedence, was what love was suppose to be… this love in my life lasted 2 years.

The second time we fall in love is supposed to be our hard love… the one that teaches us lessons about who we are and how we often want or need to be loved. This is the kind of love that hurts, whether through lies, pain or manipulation. Sometimes, it’s unhealthy, unbalanced, or narcissistic even. There may be emotional, mental or even physical abuse or manipulation—most likely there will be high levels of drama. This is exactly what keeps us addicted to this story line, because it’s the emotional roller coaster of extreme highs and lows, and like a junkie trying to get a fix, we stick through the lows with the expectation of the high. With this kind of love, trying to make it work becomes more important than whether it actually should. My second love is for sure the one that I have learned all my life lessons from. The love that actually forced me to take a look at myself, after 12 years, and start asking myself, “Am I happy.” The love that was mentally painful then, and maybe even long, after the relationship, is still… something I am working on. I was 18 when going into this relationship. I received the blessing of my 2 beautiful boys because of this love. So, although it was hard love, so to speak, this love will always be important to remember, because of what I learned what love is not suppose to be.

IMG_1491The third and final time we will ever fall in love in our lifetime is one that is unexpected and will never see coming. The one that usually looks all wrong for us and that destroys any lingering ideals we have clung to, about what love is supposed to be, because of our past experiences. This is the love that comes along and seems so easy, it doesn’t seem possible…. one we never plan for. This is the love where we come together with someone and it just fits—there aren’t any ideal expectations about how each person should be acting, nor is there pressure to become someone other than we are… we are just simply accepted for who we are already… the unconditional love. This is the love that keeps knocking on our door, regardless of how long it takes us to answer. My third and final love is described as the love of life, my true definition of prince charming. After my divorce, I told myself I would never get married again… it just wasn’t for me and I was perfectly fine with that. Then comes along this guy, which I never, ever thought would ever be included in the role of boyfriend, let alone, husband. After working with him for 3 years, the signs and how the universe kept bringing us together, outside of work, just started to make sense. How easily it was for me to fall in love with him, and how easy it was to love him… still. This love is, of course, not without precedence, however, with every bit of hope, inspiration, happiness and unconditional love that is brought into my days, because of it. He loves me, for me. I don’t have to pretend or try to be something I am not, just for him to love and accept me. I know every day, he loves and adores me, without doubt, and will do anything to see me and my boys happy… the love that all of us look for in life, and only some truly find…

 

Life brings many lessons, but love brings the lessons that matter most…. whether it is through the 3 main loves or anything in between. I live life without regrets, because I truly believe that the universe brings to us what we need, to truly grow and become conscious of who we are as individuals, and teach us what happiness truly is… here’s to my 3 loves…

Love always, @thedesiredgurl

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Biologically yours…

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Dalisa and her biological father, Steve  – from Dalisa’s FB

My intention was to post this blog last week…. but, for some reason, I never got to it. Call it being too busy, too distracted, or maybe even too lazy. However, the timing and reason for the delay somehow make sense now…. After the horrible attack on my beautiful city this past Sunday, it’s times like these that bring about all kinds of emotions and puts perspective on how I view life, in general. I was born and raised in Las Vegas, so it is my Love, and the culture and history of this city, runs through my veins. My children were born here, my career, friends, extended families and professional life, all established…. here. So, the terror that could be heard and truly felt, directly involved or not, through my city that night was indescribable. Something, I will never understand, like the many mass shootings that have taken place in our country over the past several years. So, instead of trying to understand it, I try to take something from it. For me, it is to refocus and keep in perspective what is truly important in life…. and that is “life” itself. How short our time is here on earth and that the small stuff is truly, the “small stuff.” That the very people in your life is what helps make it, “your life” and helps make you, “you.” That you need to cherish those people and not let different opinions and perspectives divide you. That you need to just…. LOVE. Then I start remembering the voids that I have filled, over time, with finding the very people that had the same blood flowing through their veins as mine… my lost family. As I was growing up, I had the longing desire to find my biological father and my siblings. I needed to know and find out who they were… because after all, they were a part of me. Therefore, I felt, that if a part of me is missing, then I am not, “me.” However, before I get to me, let me tell you the true inspiration of this blog, that started a couple of weeks ago…

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Dalisa and her paternal sister, Brittney- from Dalisa’s FB

My friend, Dalisa, posted on Facebook that, after 38 years of life, she connected with her biological father and sister. She finally was able to meet this entire part of her family, that she had all these years, but was never able to connect the pieces throughout the years, to get to them. However, it was the work of Dalisa’s paternal sister that helped this process and found Dalisa.

The first time I spoke with her felt like I knew her my entire life. You really can’t force a connection like that. I instantly gained a sister and a brother in law, became an aunt, gained an aunt, discovered two wonderful grandparents and eventually discovered my biological Father and his wife. My family puzzle pieces have been falling into place. – Dalisa

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First time meeting my paternal sister , Angela (7 years ago)

What made Dalisa’s story so personal to me, was the fact that I went through something similar in my life. Like Dalisa, I had a dad that was in my life since a very young age, when I was about 2 years old. He was the one that raised me and that I called “dad” until cancer took his life when I was 13 years old. After my dad passed away, my biological father found me and came back into my life at age 13. My connection with my biological dad was brief, and I never saw or heard from him again until I was 17. Although my relationship with my biological father never developed, which I am perfectly fine with, I was wanting to find my paternal siblings that I knew were out there. I spent time researching, and due to the amazing resource Facebook is, I found my paternal sister, Angela… and she lived in the exact same city as me, the entire time. We connected about 7 years ago and have spent time together on several occasions, since the first time we met. Although we don’t see or talk everyday, she is my sister and I love her very much… like I have known her all my life. She is and will always be a part of me. I have, since that time, found and either spoken or met my other siblings, that I also will consider a part of me and will always love them. However, my sister, my little sister, Angela, has my heart and I am so blessed I was able to find her.

I am truly happy for my friend, Dalisa, that she was able to connect and meet her other half of her family, and to be blessed with that opportunity, that so many may not get. Love, hug and appreciate your loved ones, and never take them for granted…. always. The aftermath of tragedy can breed all kinds of emotions and perspectives. For me, it reminds me of what is truly important in life… family. Most families are dysfunctional, broken or, a little crazy. However, one thing will always remain a fact…. they are your family. So, for me, it was important in my past and even just as important to me now, to work on always being a family. Even if it doesn’t work, like my relationship with my biological father, at least you know where you come from and you know that you simply, “tried”… and for that, I am grateful.

Family is something that is easily disregarded, taken for granted, forgotten, lost or even stolen. I have my chosen family in my close friends, I have my given family in the people that spent their life and energy raising me and now I am truly grateful to have been discovered by the other half of my family that I always wondered about.  – Dalisa

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Dalisa’s paternal grandparents, Dalisa, father and his wife – from Dalisa’s FB

Love always, @thedesiredgurl

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My vulnerable moment…

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“Freedom is what you do with what’s been done to you.” ~Jean Paul Sartre

Working on myself, is, by far, my most difficult challenge. However, I work at it everyday, to heal myself and become as conscious and serene as I possibly can be, while present on this earth. Each day is a new day and this journey is part of the reason for this blog I started only 4 months ago…  a process of healing. I guess I feel if I write it out and actually share it with others, without having to speak the words I am fearful to speak, this will work for me…. mainly because I have been silent for so long (the majority of my life). I guess I could “just” write it down, privately… however, to me, that is still just hiding the pain, keeping it to myself. Some, that may be in my same situation, may go as far as seeking professional help, you know, speaking to someone, someone that is neutral…. but I don’t really believe in all that too much, talking to a complete stranger. However, that’s my opinion.

Although I am not completely ready to share with you everything, I am absolutely grateful that I can use this platform to share with you a little piece of me, in each blog I write, while taking this journey…. so thank you for reading and sharing your thoughts and comments. Every blog, up to this point, has been inspired by a conversation or another’s experience. Each time I listen to my friends, I am able to relate in some way, because of my past. So, I write about it and place my perspective on their life’s situation, by adding what I have learned because of experiencing a similar situation in my life. This, in its entirety, is my healing and part of gaining control of my life, that was once out of control. Yet, I have a lot of work to do. I have come so far and I am so grateful for the journey I have taken thus far. Remember that everyone’s struggle is unique to them and them alone. In no way am I ever “promoting” or “telling” people how they should handle whatever it is they need to handle in their own personal lives. However, I will say this…. love yourself enough to want to heal. Love yourself enough to want to “know” what is causing the pain… because some of us know that we, as human beings, can do a great job with suppressing, ignoring or thinking we are “just OK.” My goal is to inspire and plant the seed of the ability to take control of your life and live your life, and not let life live you. To come to terms with mistakes, unfortunate events, sad moments, hurtful moments… and to acknowledge it, embrace it and heal from it… to become genuinely and 100% YOU.

Yes, life sucks! But it is through life that we learn who we really are and really know our purpose for being here. My journey, as well as your journey, is what and who we are… through all the bad and all the good… to be FREE. Sometimes events from the past have a mind of their own. Memories keep recirculating, when all you want is for them to disappear. We cannot control the actions of others, or even how life treats us, in general. However, we can control how we respond (not react) to it… learn from it, use it and gain power from it.

Again, I have a long way to go, but I am so grateful how far I have come. My happy days are absolutely happy days, and my not so happy days are the days you may not hear from me too much. However, never get it “twisted,” I am not an unhappy person, and I’m not crazy. I love my life, the people that are in it, immensely, and love who I have become. People can be “not so happy,” and still function everyday… it’s not being “fake,” it’s being true to yourself that you must truck on… because at the end of the day I am alive and have so much to be grateful for… loving me for me… my perfections, my imperfections, my mistakes and my successes, my sadness and my happiness, my pain and my serenity. Someday, I will share with you the core of my pain… but until then, I will give you a piece of me with each blog I write.

“Freedom is what you do with what’s been done to you.” Love and take care of you…

Love always, @thedesiredgurl

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Road Rage… Woosah!!!

screamWith summer over and having to get back into the routine of the “grind,” that will be part of my life for the next 9 months, I thought it would be a great idea to focus on the one thing that I can never understand in “human behavior”… road rage. Showing anger towards others on the road has always been something I’ve been personally trying to understand, ever since I was 16. However, as I go through life, especially now, while I am on my recent life’s journey (insert “read my previous blogs” pitch here), I really try to understand what triggers people to act in such a way towards others… even bad enough, at times, to want to hurt someone.

The term road rage was coined by a local news station, KTLAin Los Angeles, California, after a string of shootings occurred on several freeways in the city. According to Merriam-Webster Dictionary, road rage is defined as a motorist’s uncontrolled anger that is usually provoked by another motorist’s irritating act and is expressed in aggressive or violent behavior. Two key words here; uncontrolled and irritating. Being in control of one’s life is huge! And if you, yourself, have no control over the small stuff, like someone cutting you off… then how do you expect to grasp control of the big stuff? Control of your thoughts, actions, reactions and responses are key to a full life. Sure! I have lost and may loose control of my thoughts or how I respond to things in my life at times. However, these are over things that have forever scarred me… mentally. Lose of control is energy not wasted on healing and finding peace within yourself. However, lose of control, because of you not being able to control another’s actions, is energy wasted… energy that you can put into yourself. On the other hand, when you are provoked by another’s irritating act, for the sake of this blog, another motorist, then your perception will be key here. I truly believe that we, as individuals, can control (in ways) our perception of another’s actions, therefore, we can control how we respond, instead of react, to it. If someone cuts you off… then maybe say something under your breath and move on. If someone is going too slow for you that day, because you are running late… then maybe hold some self-accountability and blame yourself for not leaving early enough, to consider possible traffic or even possible crashes. We all are guilty of road rage at some level and at some point in our lives, myself included, but the important thing is to recognize it, be conscious of it and to just woosah that shit

Some situations that may cause road rage:

  • heavy traffic or gridlock
  • construction delays or detours
  • slow driving
  • changing lanes too quickly and cutting another driver off
  • erratic or unsafe lane changes

Some other outside factors that can contribute to road rage:

  • personal life situations at the moment
  • lack of time management
  • stress
  • lack of sleep
  • lack of patience
  • lack of food intake
  • maybe even lack of coffee…. hmmm

Some examples of road rage:

  • making obscene gestures to other drivers
  • tailgating, which is deliberately following the driver in front of you too closely
  • changing lanes too quickly and cutting another driver off – because they did it to you
  • erratic or unsafe lane changes – because they did it to you
  • overusing the car horn – i.ehonking at the very second the light turns green!! Can people get 2 seconds to look left and right to make sure no one is attempting to run a red light before pushing the gas???? 🙂
  • flashing headlights
  • shootings

The bottom line… maybe, just maybe, we need to each take a certain level of self-accountability at times and realize that maybe it is us, as individuals, that is responsible for feeling rage on the roads and not the other person. Maybe one needs to leave in plenty of time, to calculate for traffic, accidents, etc. When that happens, maybe one will not get so impatient with slow drivers…. maybe. Maybe we need to start the day positive and not negative…. and just BREATHE. Other things to consider….? We never know what is going on with others that share the road with us for the day. You may have new drivers on the road with you, learning, just like my 16 year old right now. He is instructed TO DO THE SPEED LIMIT and not to let others make him feel that he is not driving fast enough. Maybe someone just got bad news and is speeding and just trying to get to wherever they need to be. Maybe you have a new mother driving carefully and doing the speed limit, for the sake of safety of her newborn. Maybe someone fell victim to “deep thought” because a life changing event just took place, and they might be distracted for that moment when they forget to turn their turn signal on. You never know…

Maybe if some of us stop thinking that “we” are the ONLY ones on the road and making everything ABOUT US, we might be better off. It’s horrible that some are willing to shoot someone or run someone off the road, because THEY refuse to hold themselves accountable for possible poor time management, lack of patience or just not wanting to deal with anything. With Hurricane Harvey taking place recently and seeing so much togetherness and love for one another right now, I KNOW that WE, as humans, are capable of caring and loving one another, no matter the situation or risks. With this said, I know we can show this towards one another on the roads, every day…. in the name of SAFETY for one another. I do understand that some drivers just don’t know how to drive, or that you may have someone do something that is just crazy… but there is nothing saying we can’t just, slow down, take a breath and woosah that shit. Drive safely out there…..

Love always, @thedesiredgurl

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Articles – road rage involving shootings:

http://www.cnn.com/2017/07/02/us/pa-deadly-road-rage-arrest/index.html

https://www.cbsnews.com/news/road-rage-argument-shooting-death-nevada-woman/

http://www.cnn.com/videos/us/2016/02/03/driver-points-gun-at-motorcyclist-helmet-cam-footage-pkg.kvvu/video/playlists/road-rage-incidents/

http://www.shreveporttimes.com/story/news/2016/11/04/road-rage-ends-shooting-mansfield-rd-walmart/93284232/

 

How “your” perception can be the “change”…

Life is based on perception. Perception is based on perspective. Perspective is based on thought. Thought comes from the mind. Change your mind, change your perspective and be the change… perception is everything…

FullSizeRenderI have to warn you, this blog will not be agreed upon by many… and that is okay. The purpose of this blog is not to change your beliefs on anything in life, the purpose is to just bring awareness of another point of view.. You are the only one that has the power to change how you choose to view things…

As I get ready for another college semester, I refocus on the main things I want my students to get out of my classes. I have been a criminal justice instructor, at a local college, for almost 5 years now… and as each semester ends, I learn more and more about what is important for my students to get out of my classes. As I mentioned before, in my very first blog, I will never talk about two things…. politics and religion. I keep this rule in my classes as well. However, talking about the issues of our country in my classrooms is not only important, it is inevitable. I have learned, it is just as important to my students, each and every semester… and this can be done, without mention of politics or religion. They want someone to speak on issues, that affect all of them, in some way, shape or form. However, to speak on these issues and challenges facing our country, without bias, arrogance or personal agendas attached. Although, I, myself, working in a jail for almost 9 years, have many biases, I found it important to work on setting those biases aside, educate myself as much as I can, about every issue our country faces, past and present, and give our future criminal justice service providers, information. The main thing I want all my students to focus on? To look at everything you are exposed to from all different perspectives. To learn to set your biases aside, inform yourself and focus on what we, as an entire society, need to work on. Therefore, shaping and controlling our perception of society and the very people in it… taking self accountability. Possibly being the change our country needs, and not being the problem. Being able to make a change in our country for the better…. because, after all, we can always do better, right? I consider myself a leader, therefore, I feel, it is my responsibility, as an educator, to expose and give my students the option of this platform… because after all, they are our future. So, in order to be the slightest bit successful with this in my classes, it is first important to establish the difference between perspective and perception, and to continually be conscious of the two, every day. 

A perspective is a point of view. It is a framework that we use to look at things. Perspective takes into account a belief system, as well as what is taken in by the senses. The belief system comprises of the following; the way we think about ourselves, the way we think about others and the way we think about events that we are exposed to. That belief system is formed due to the following; current situations, values, culture and past experiences. Therefore, no one person’s perspective is the same. It depends on who you are as a person, what your past experiences are, how you were raised, education, your morals, your values, etc. So, you will see one thing one way, and I will see it another… maybe never really knowing or understanding why you see it differently than I do, and vice versa. What progress can be made? What changes can take place? However, when people become open-minded and look at things from the different perspectives of the individuals affected, and even the individuals not affected, simply by discussing and learning why they view things differently, then we are learning about others, increasing our knowledge on the topic, and possibly coming up with a solution, together. However, being open-minded must be practiced on both sides… without bias, without judgement, without ridicule and without anger. The communication platform for this? To discuss, not argue the issue at hand, whatever that may be (large or small), face-to-face…  NOT on social media.

Perception is the interpretation one gives through their awareness.  Awareness is the key word here. Someone may think they are aware, but lack of awareness is where, I believe, most problems can stem from. Perception is a way of understanding and gaining insight, therefore, referring to our own interpretation to things. For example, different people view life in different ways. However, this is their perspective. Perception to life is when we understand and are aware of different perspectives, have gone through different experiences, and based on them, we create our own interpretation, our own insight. Learning different perspectives from anyone that is different from you, listening to them, doing your research and gain as much knowledge as you can, will lead to a more aware perception.

PERCEPTION IS EVERYTHING! Remember, that your perspective on things is going to be different… and that is okay. However, opening yourself to others’ perspectives can change your perception on life… by being open-minded, setting aside biases and our tendency, as individuals, to be arrogant. I truly believe that if we all do this, we can achieve great, positive things in our country. Again, I wouldn’t be doing anything positive in shaping our future criminal justice service providers if I spoke on all the issues of our country, historically and presently, with a bias, arrogant, uninformed mindset. Remember, the goal to all this is not to change people’s belief system but, to bring awareness of what their perspective and perception is and how it really shapes how we react, respond and do things in our country. We must have self-accountability, because after all… we can always do better

Love always, @thedesiredgurl

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The Wedding of Our Dreams… worth the money?

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As Zane and I celebrate our 1 year wedding anniversary, we are still breathless from the day of 08.08.16. Although that day was, at one time, a reality… it still lives on in my dreams and acts as a everyday reminder of the blessings that lay upon us, as a couple, and the conquering love we share. It was a day full of magic, that I don’t think can ever fully be explained… and even if it could, could never fully be understood. However, the question that we get asked the most is how much was it???? For some, they think the wedding may have been over the top and for others, a wedding of dreams. However, I can tell you that our wedding was perfect and of course will never compare to any other…. and the goal for every bride and groom, is to feel the exact same way about their day. You make your wedding about you, AS A COUPLE…. whatever that may entail and look like. Own it, embrace it and forever be in love with your day.

Although, we will NEVER talk about financials and say the total cost of our wedding… we will, however, ALWAYS talk about ALL the individuals that were responsible for making that day, the day of our dreams… and never left us to regret anything spent; time, money, frustration, stress and the choices made.

So, with all this being said, the purpose of this blog is to not only celebrate Zane and I, but to celebrate all of our creative partners that deserve every bit of recognition given… because without all of you, this day would have never been as AMAZING as it was. 

Love always, @thedesiredgurl

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***all wedding photos by AltF Photography , unless otherwise noted


Andrea Eppolito

Las Vegas' Best Wedding Planner Andrea Eppolito works with luxury couples, celebrity weddings, professional athletes, and socialites from around the world. The very first person we hired was our wedding planner. Although most of you feel like you already know her… because of the endless support we show each other through social media, Andrea is, by far, the most important piece of all of this. She was our planner, our supporter, our cheerleader, our shoulder to cry on, our lunch buddy, and most of all, she is, and forever will be, our friend. For some, hiring a wedding planner may not seem feasible or needed. However, I will tell you, that hiring Andrea was the best decision we made, financially and intellectually. Andrea knew who we were and what we wanted immediately. She was able to use her experience, take what she knew about us and create a world, if only for one day, that was reflective of who we are and what we represent, when it comes to our love and style. I wholeheartedly believe that our wedding would absolutely NOT be what it was, without her… and we will always be grateful to her, for this.  Click here to visit Andrea’s Website.

Andrea also published our very own personalized magazine through her company, Wedding Editorialist. A great addition to have in your collection of memorabilia!! Click here to view the magazine!!


Destinations by Design (dbd)

When Andrea introduced us to dbd, it was an instant connection. Most of the time when individuals are looking for vendors, also known as creative partners, I believe, they are more focused on whether that vendor is reasonably priced, and rightfully so! Everyone should…. and I say “should” have a budget and select a vendor that fits within that budget. However, when the vendor just “gets you” and knows, just after one meeting, what you want, costs, to me, can always be worked out… either between you and the vendor or you and your significant other, through budgeting. Like with Andrea, we found “the one” when it came to the very people that will design our wedding. They created an absolutely romantic and elegant space, full of candles, flowers, sparkle, and with the help of LED Unplugged, CHANDELIERS! Designing it on paper is one thing, but when you see that design come to life, “just for you,” flawlessly, money is no object. That is one thing that I will absolutely stay firm on…. I will never regret the money we spent on our design, however, I will regret not being able to spend more…. although Zane sees it differently …. lol!!!! Sorry Zane…. Click here to visit dbd’s website.


Four Seasons Hotel Las Vegas

The Four Seasons was not even on our list of venues to visit at first. We originally wanted to stay off the Las Vegas strip because of Zane always working on the strip. However, after speaking with Andrea on what we wanted, she insisted that we would immediately fall in love with the venue because it simply just represented “us” and what we wanted. Of course, Andrea was right! When Zane and I first walked in the Four Seasons, looking at the property, for the first time, through the eyes of a future bride and groom… WE FELL IMMEDIATELY IN LOVE! Not only was the venue chic, timeless, romantic and classy, but the true and endless hospitality is what really won us over…. PLUS their pastry chef helped create the cake of our dreams!!! Everyone we worked with during the wedding process was amazing, and some have become our friends. Click here to visit the Four Seasons’ Website.


AltF Photography

Photography is such an important element in ANY wedding! So seeking out a BADASS PHOTOGRAPHER should be one of the first on your list “to dos” in wedding planning! We were introduced to John and Dalisa by Andrea very early on in the wedding planning process. One of the things I requested…. having a wedding that was DIFFERENT, and photography was for sure one of those elements I wanted to be different in. John caught my attention with his edgy and raw photos and his talent with lighting was absolutely AMAZING! I didn’t want my wedding photos looking traditional or what is seen time and time again in magazines, and I think John and Dalisa 100% delivered on “different!” I am sure you will agree after looking at all the photos at the end of this blog! John and Dalisa are considered our friends… and I am looking forward to working with them again soon! Click here to visit AltF’s Website.


Something New

Videography, I believe, is one of the most important elements in a wedding. Like photography, videography is a recording of your day. Better yet, videography allows you to actually experience your day, each and every time you watch your wedding video, by making you feel like you’re there again. It gives you the sounds, the movement and scenes of your wedding that you may have missed! Bottom line… photography and videography are the two things you don’t want to sacrifice because of costs. These are lifetime keepsakes. With that being said, Andrea also introduced us to Something New very early on in the wedding planning process. In fact, we had a meeting with them and AltF at the same time. Both of their presentations, linked together, were amazing, and only proved to us how well the two companies worked together. Something New has also done the wedding videos of a couple of friends of ours and did an amazing job…. so, picking Something New was a “no brainer.” Sandi and Jimi Falin are both fun, loving people and love what they do. We keep up with each other on Facebook always, supporting each other along the way in life. Click here or the photo below to watch our wedding highlight video by Something New!


Paper and Home

Paper and Home group photo - People are at the forefront of what we do. Their loyalty, interest, and spirit are our prime responsibility. Paper and Homes core valueA friend of mine posted her wedding stationary from Paper and Home a few months before I even got engaged. Loving how elegant her stationary was, I knew Paper and Home would be a great fit on what we wanted. When expressing my interest in Paper and Home to Andrea, she quickly set up our first meeting together… so much fun looking through all the colors of paper and patterns! Brooke and Micheal are fun, loving people and they want nothing more than their team at Paper and Home to satisfy and deliver exactly what their clients want… and deliver they did! We had so many compliments on our save the dates and invitations. Our paper, throughout, was nothing less than classy, elegant and a true reflection on who we are. With the help of Andrea, we even had a custom made menu created for our tables that doubled as a thank you note, photo booth photo holder and keepsake. We loved them!!! I would absolutely use Paper and Home for any future invitation needs. Click here to visit Paper and Home’s website. 


DJ Breeze

DJ BREEZE aka Thomas Calabrese, made our wedding experience for all our guests that much more memorable. From an unforgettable playlist during our cocktail and reception hours, to keeping our guests hyped-up and on the dance floor, dancing the night away. He helped create an unbelievable, energized and unforgettable night! He truly cares about his couples and wants nothing more than for everyone to have an amazing time! He is today considered a friend and will always be recommended to any future bride that asks for DJ suggestions.  Click here to visit DJ Breeze’s website.


Sareh Nouri  

Ceremony Dress bought at Mon Amie Bridal Salon – Los Angeles, CA

***first photo taken by my friend Lauren


Vera Wang

Reception dress bought at Couture Bride – Las Vegas, NV

 


b.spoke

Suit custom made and fitted by b.spoke – Costa Mesa, CA

 


Wedding Photos by AltF Photography

 

 

 

TRUE Happiness… is it real?

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Photo: Jerry Metellus MUAH: Zee Clemente

Happiness is as a butterfly which, when pursued, is always beyond our grasp, but which if you will sit down quietly, may alight upon you ~ Nathaniel Hawthorne

Is happiness, TRUE happiness real and obtainable? What does it mean to truly be happy? For me, happiness, in general, means that you are satisfied with your life. You feel content, happy and excited… because life is going good. This type of happiness is completely conditional and dependent upon how things are going in your life. If your relationship is going good, you’re happy. If you are making good money and are successful in your career, you’re happy.  However, as soon as there is a disruption in some aspect of your life; your partner is mad at you, you are having a hard time at work, or unexpected financial responsibilities come up… your sense of happiness disappears. This kind of happiness, whether we may realize it or not, exists outside of us… conditioned and dependent upon outside forces and individuals.

TRUE happiness, however, is an entirely separate entity that exists apart from general happiness. True happiness is what, I believe, we spend most of our lives craving, seeking and trying to obtain. However, in order to do that, we need to understand entirely what TRUE happiness is and knowing when we have actually obtained it and are actually existing in that space. After years of analyzing and becoming conscious of what it truly means to be happy for the past 12 years, I have finally figured it out. TRUE happiness, to me, is a deep sense of inner well-being and peace…. a true gratitude for simply being alive and well. This is obtained solely by you, and has no dependence on outside forces. It is not dependent upon another person’s actions or inaction, not dependent on success and not dependent on things like vacations or material things. TRUE happiness does not come and go and is absolutely independent of our life 11800075_1079113428765810_7674004462287549459_nsituation. However, this, in no way means that you don’t feel anger, or sadness or fear… it’s having the ability to feel those emotions to the full extent but, not losing sight of yourself. You are aware and remain present in your thoughts and emotions, without getting caught up in them. It’s about responding and not reacting… essentially WAKING UP AND BECOMING CONSCIOUS. Being conscious of true self. This is my practice every day. Consciousness is fearful and even may sound like “bullshit” for some, the reason that most stay in their “bubble” and remain dependent upon all the things that surround them on a daily basis… whatever that may be or mean for each individual. Of course, we, including myself, love when our life is going great or as planned. We want consistency, love, success, family, health, etc. However, these things should be looked at as the “icing on the cake.” You have to first be happy with yourself… period…. remember, you come first. As soon as you do that, all the positive things in life will follow. I am a firm believer that the energy you put out in the universe is the energy you receive in return. This is just another part of being conscious and understanding of true self. Here are a few tips, and what I have personally done, to help get you started on this journey of true happiness…. if you so wish:

  • Love yourself completely and unconditionally – no judgments, no expectations
  • Don’t rely on others or outside forces to make YOU happy – have a deep sense of inner well-being and peace in yourself. YOU are your own happiness.
  • Set jealousy aside. This is a huge challenge for some because of the endless opportunities of seeing the lives of others on social media. Remember, perception is everything. Never believe what others ONLY WANT YOU TO SEE. You never know what is going on behind closed doors. Placing expectations on your life based on the life of others will always set you back on achieving TRUE happiness.
  • Be kind and humble
  • Be grateful and forgiving
  • Accept that which you cannot change
  • Do something about that which you CAN change – respond instead of reacting 
  • Take care of you…

Happiness is as a butterfly which, when pursued, is always beyond our grasp, but which if you will sit down quietly, may alight upon you. Find your sense of true self, be conscious, sit quietly and true happiness will settle upon you…

Love always, @thedesiredgurl

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Selfishness…

image1Putting YOURSELF first is not selfish. Thinking about YOURSELF constantly is selfish. RESPECT and KNOW the difference…

Don’t get it twisted. I am the first to advocate “putting yourself first.” After becoming a young mother at the age of 21, at a time when I didn’t truly know who I was or even have the chance to become an adult myself, I was responsible for another human being. Although I NEVER, EVER regretted having my son when I did, taking on that responsibility, came years of pain and confusion of who I truly was. When my son turned 3, I started immersing myself in life, figuring that’s what I had to do… what I needed to do. I even made the decision to go back to school, knowing that I had to do something responsible, not for myself, but for my son. A few years after that, I had my second son, hoping that with him coming into my life, knowing who I was would then, for sure, be easier. Then, a year after that, I obtained my career in the criminal justice field, at a local jail, making my career a priority, along with going to school… again, not doing it for myself, but for my sons. Then that’s when it clicked! At 30 years old, I was asking myself, “who am I?” Who am I, after I strip the titles of mother, student, officer, even wife, away? I lost myself… always thinking and doing things for everyone else first, putting myself second. That’s when my life would change forever. I soon was in the middle of a divorce, and threw myself more into my career and school. Thinking I was finally doing everything for ME, doing things to make myself happy. I was then a soon to be divorcee, newly promoted corrections sergeant with a fresh master’s degree in hand. I thought I finally found myself, doing all I could for myself… making myself happy, right? Me… Me… Me…

After a while, I then noticed that the actions I was taking was affecting the two very people I never wanted to hurt, EVER! My boys! Although I truly was passionate about my new journey of finding out who I was, being happy and loving ME… I quickly realized that I was doing this selfishly. Never wanting to hurt my boys or lose their relationship I had with them as their mother, forever, I knew that whatever changes I chose to make, had to be made with not only me in mind, but also my boys. So, through my divorce, I asked for NOTHING, except for the joint custody of my boys. I did not want them to be put through a battle as meaningless as money and material things… because they are just that, money and material things. The health and well being of my boys and trying to keep things peaceful as possible was MORE IMPORTANT to me. After a few more years at the jail, I realized I wasn’t happy. So, I left that career, knowing it was the best thing, not only for me, but for my children. In order for them to be happy, I have to be happy… and leaving my career, at that particular time, was going to do just that. Although these decisions were scary, I knew it was something I had to do not only for myself, but for my boys. I realized that when you have others that may become “victim” to any decisions you make for yourself, whether it’s children or otherwise, you then need to become aware and conscious of these decisions and make them cautiously and strategically… keeping the well-being of the loved ones intact, while still taking care of YOU first.

So, don’t get it twisted. I am the first to advocate “putting yourself first.” If you are not happy, CHANGE IT… because throughout life, change is inevitable. Always take care of you first and truly love yourself.  However, when these decisions include others, that mean something to you (in any way, shape or form), then DON’T make those changes selfishly. Be aware and conscious of your decisions and actions and conduct yourself with love, tact and grace. Remember, you may be making choices, hoping to change your life for the better, but those life changing experiences may lose you what was most important to you… forever. There’s a thin line between making yourself happy and making yourself happy, along with those that you care most about…. being selfish without being selfish… and the challenge is to figure it out and find a balance. Like I have said many times in previous blogs, do what makes you happy first. Because I truly believe that we have one life and this life is way too short to live being unhappy. In order for your loved ones, in my case, my children, to be happy and feel loved, I have to be happy and truly love who I am FIRST… however, making the changes in my life consciously.

Putting YOURSELF first is not selfish. Thinking about YOURSELF constantly is selfish. RESPECT and KNOW the difference… after all, truly selfish people end up having only their SELF….

Love always, @thedesiredgurl

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Do “likes” define YOU?

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Photo: AltF Photography

Do you value your self-worth from the “likes” you get on any of your social media platforms? How many times have you looked, after posting something, to see how many people liked your photos, loved your statuses or viewed your Snaps and Instavideos? Are you addicted to social media, social approval and/or social status? I can honestly say that, sometimes, I have been guilty of this, especially with Instagram. In my opinion, social media is for sharing… all your accomplishments, all your happiness and, for some, your sadness and hard times. I believe that social media sharing is an amazing opportunity, that I didn’t have while raising my kids or while I was younger, going through my experiences in life. I am using social media now, in my later life, and have truly embraced it and appreciate its value, when that value isn’t being abused, like I have seen some do. I actually have a front row seat on watching my friends’ lives evolve and watching their kids literally grow-up… being able to support them, in all the good and even the bad (if they choose to share). However, when does this foundation of value, that social media was built on, get addicting and actually start changing the way “we” as individuals view ourselves… how we value our life, our posts… even value ourselves?

basic-red-heart

Now I know this blog doesn’t represent everyone, because it may not even apply to you…. simply because you are not a social media eccentric individual. You could care less about Instagram, Facebook, “likes,” “loves,” views, etc. Good for you! However, maybe one day you decide to just “do it,” and go full throttle, sharing your life with all the people you know care and love you… and all of us social media “experts” know how addicting it can be, once you start! So, this blog can, essential, apply to you too one day. With that being said, I will say this…

I personally view “likes” as possibly another form of  “crack” of our time. You can get a, so called, emotional high when your posts hit a responsive “jackpot” with your followers, so you keep going after it, because you will always want more… craving it! However, this craving may also possibly be the result of not getting feedback in other ways, like we do when we have an in-person conversation with 500_Facebook_Likes_ad72b1750bac095197a6_1someone about our lives. We, as a society, spend more time online, than we do in-person, where we may not get the positive reinforcements from facial expressions, pats on the back, hugs, high-fives and other nonverbal communication… so, we try to get it from “likes,” “loves” and views. With that said, this may make you question how much you are actually liked or loved by your friends and family. For example, when you post a picture and don’t get the “likes” and “loves,” you, on average, get, do you find yourself possibly cycling through stages? Denial: “It’s because I posted at the wrong time!” Anger: “What’s wrong with my friends?! I always “like” ALL their pics!” Disappointment: “Maybe that photo wasn’t as great as I thought it was.” This may sound crazy, but can you honestly say it hasn’t happened… not even just a little bit, not even just once? Being unconscious and actually attaching your worth and level of self-esteem to social media is, for the most part, yes, crazy. I have read some articles, in the past, especially articles on narcissism, stating that research has found that more women, than men, are relying on social media “likes” and views to give meaning to their lives, feel validated and boost their self-esteem… hence the possible reasons for some of the half-naked photos and sexual innuendos… maybe? However, ensuring that your self-worth is based on the love and respect YOU have for yourself, and not based on social media, should be the ultimate focus and goal. Social media should just be the cherry on top!! Having fun sharing!

vector modern like, follower, comment iconsSo, a good thing to ask yourself when posting: If there were no “likes,” “loves” or views, would you still post it? Would you still JUST want to share, no matter how others respond to it… because we all know that people actually SEE the post and maybe won’t like it…. right? Hence, the Instavideos = 500 views and only 200 likes????? WTF?…. right??? Ha Ha!! The bottom line is that social media is to be used and viewed as a forum to share with the people you love and that love you right back. We all like to see ALL the “likes,” “loves” and views, I KNOW I DO! It just shows us how much people are excited, just as much as we are, about the events in our lives, or the support they have for us. They are going to “like” your posts based on those simple facts alone… the others, you know, the ones that don’t “like,” well, lets just call them the “haters” or “nosy people” (insert any sarcastic emoji here)…. LOL!! Post to actually share moments and not to evaluate and value how good those moments are based on other people’s opinions. Share with people that truly like and love you, not “like” and “love” you. Social media, when it is used consciously, is one of the best technological capabilities we have in our society… allowing us to stay connected, especially when our lives are always so busy, making it hard to always see each other and “catch up.”

Again, we ALL like to see the feedback and comments we get from our posts, I DO!!! I am not saying that “likes” are a bad or negative thing, or that you should avoid them or not enjoy them. What I am saying is, never let it determine your self-worth and level of self-esteem. Self-worth and self-esteem should be based solely on the respect and love that YOU have for yourself… never based on others, including the virtual “likes,” “loves,” and views…

So, I’ll see YOU on social media!!! “Liking,” “Loving” and viewing away!!!

Love always, @thedesiredgurl

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Daddy issues… not to be taken lightly

This past Father’s Day is the inspiration of this blog. The biggest challenge I have been dealing with, for the majority of my life, is living without a father and coming to terms with it. There are a lot of pieces to be put back together and a lot of wounds to be healed, but, for now, I will say this…

My dad, the man who raised me since I was 2, died of cancer, when I was 13. The pain IMG_3992involved with watching an over 6 foot, 200 pound man, slowly wither away, is a memory that has scarred me forever. I don’t think I can ever get the images out of my head. So, since that time, I have pushed through life, always wondering what it would be like with him still in it… but, at the same time, never regretting how far I have come without him. Of course, there are times when I miss him most, the birth of my kids, my wedding day… but, there are also times I am angry. That anger is a part of what fuels me every day, to better myself, learn to live without regrets, and truly believe that everything in life DOES happen for a reason…

“Daddy issues,” as they call it, is a term that has mocked women, for as long as I can remember. This term, in essence, is culturally defined as, girls having issues with men, in their adult life, because of the broken and crappy relationships with their father growing up, or even as a result of the father being non-existent in the girl’s life. It is believed, by experts and found in research, that the quality of father-daughter relationships is

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Photo: Google

a huge deciding factor when it comes to romantic relationships. This may have some truth to it. However, I don’t believe that this only applies to females… what about males? Boys can have broken relationships with their dads, or maybe their dads were absent from their lives too, that may result in faulty relationships in their adult lives. Yet, we only attach this term to females. Men, for the most part, are conditioned to be “strong” and not “weak.” Therefore, hiding the fact that they may be experiencing affects from not having a stable father in their lives… and the affects experienced, by both men and women, can go on and on. However, I don’t feel that this is something to be taken lightly. In order to heal the pain or hurt, caused by losing or not having a consistent father-figure in one’s life, takes a special person to help with that… be it a friend, another family member or significant other. People wanting to ridicule people, instead of maybe wanting to understand and help, is a quality, I believe, some human beings lack. We are fearful of things we don’t understand. So, in order to understand it, we tend to create humor and maybe, even take advantage of it.

So, I am here to tell you that, “daddy issues,” as it’s called, is not to be taken lightly. The IMG_3991person that is experiencing it, be it male or female, may be going through a lot of pain… which is true in my case. Sure, I have had problems in all my relationships with men, throughout my life. I have had trust issues, communication issues, dated men older than me, and just had issues with how to let a man in my life… letting my walls down, entirely. However, that ONE special man came into my life and is tearing down those walls, brick by brick… simply by loving me for me and loving all of me, without judgement. I am affected every day because of losing my father at such a young age. I may not talk about it, and most people don’t even know it’s a struggle I am go through… but, it is real. There are so many doors to be closed and so much to still come to terms with… but, that healing process is coming slowly for me.

So, if you are one of the lucky ones that has never lost, one way or another, never lose sight on the blessing that you have, as an adult. Yes, parents may drive us crazy at times, but remember that, when they love you, endlessly, they always just want the best for you… always. My advice to the people affected by either losing a father (no matter what the context), or never having a father consistently in their life, heal in your own way and on your own pace. Don’t ever let anyone make you feel inadequate, insignificant, or that YOU are the problem and they aren’t. If they do, it’s because they are not the one to be in your life… leave them behind and move on…. someone along your path will someday pick up the pieces and help fill that void that we, every day, struggle with…. genuinely. Take care of you…

Love always, @thedesiredgurl

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The “2 out of 3” friends… get rid of them

FullSizeRender (6)About three years ago, I read an article on HuffPost about friendship. This was also during the time that I was analyzing my life, in general. Knowing that I needed to make some changes… getting rid of the negativity and allowing the positivity in. So, I started to really analyze the friendships that I had made over the years, getting rid of some and truly recognizing the ones that supported me in all I did, with no reserve or envy.

They say, “keep your circles small” and that it is “quality over quantity.” However, I truly believe that we can all have many friends in ourIMG_1356 lives… the question is, do each of those friends support us, even when we are living a full life? According to the article, by Christina Pesolia full life is when you have all 3 things going for you; looks, success and happiness. So, the question remains, do ALL the friends in your circle support you when you have ultimately obtained all of those 3 things? Or, is their friendship with you conditioned on you having only 2 out of the 3? The “2 out of the 3 friendship” is explained by Pesoli as this: If you are successful and have an amazing significant other, then you better be unattractive, in some way shape or form. If you are attractive and are truly successful, then your significant other better be an “ass.” If you and your significant other have an amazing relationship and you’re attractive, then you better have problems in your career.

Most of my life has been a repeated cycle of the 2 out of 3. I either had good self-esteem (looks) and the success, but my relationship was failing. Or, I had the success and the relationship, but had low self-esteem. Or, I had the relationship and good self-esteem, but my success was failing. However, it has only been within the last few years that “reality check” came into play. IMG_1209After finding the “true” love of my life, obtaining the career of my dreams, feeling and looking the best I ever have and financially being successful (both my husband and I together), I officially obtained all 3… finally living a full life! Something I have always desired and longed for, like most of us do, right? However, that is when I saw some of my friends’ behaviors starting to change. They either were not speaking to me as much, or always trying to “bring me down,” when we spoke, instead of supporting and celebrating with me. When people always try to find a negative in your positive, maliciously, I believe they are not friends that truly love YOU and want ALL the best for you, again, without reserve or envy. So, I got rid of those friends… getting rid of all the negativity… because true happiness has no space for it.

To find friends that support you and want nothing more than to see you happy is a IMG_0527true blessing, because I truly believe they are few and far between. So, when you find them, grab on to them and hold on tight… and be that same kind of friend in return, with no reserve or envy. Women should empower other women, not be toxic. Although we are competitive creatures by nature, we should also be empowering. I believe the challenges in everyday life, for women, still remain. So, we should help each other feel and do our best and support each other, no matter what… through the bad and all the good… being each others’ biggest cheerleaders!

Remember, some people wanna see you do good, but never better than them. Pay close attention to those that you allow in your circle and in your universe. The friends that bring with them any indication of negativity, should be watched with one eye open. YOU deserve all the best… looks, success and happiness. “PAY CLOSE ATTENTION TO THOSE WHO DON’T CLAP WHEN YOU WIN…”

All my love to all my friends (pictured and not pictured) that have supported me, loved me, and always celebrating life with me, through all the bad and all the good. I love you and am truly grateful for all of you…. 

 

Love always, @thedesiredgurl

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44 is just my number….

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Photo: Taken by @zane_weber Henna: @littlelotushenna

My birthday was June 5th, and my new number is 44. Interestingly enough, I actually had a great in-depth conversation with one of my best girls the other night, her asking me how I felt about “turning” 44. So, the inspiration of this blog flourished….

My answer was this…. I see 44 as just a number. Yes, it is associated with the number of years that I have been living on this earth…. true. However, it is not what defines who I am, how I should feel, or how I should see myself…. I won’t allow it to.  I am sure that you have noticed by now, if you are reading my blogs, that I have been going through my journey for a while, deeply involving my mental and physical being. Part of obtaining my mental consciousness is to not let outside elements, like age, define who I am or how I feel about myself.

This journey started a few years ago by ridding myself the habit of reading fashion magazines and envying or being inspired by models, or even celebrities, who were not a realistic reflection of “me”… overloaded with the Photoshop treatment. For example, I will never be a size zero and have flawless skin, because that is just not who I am and how I was made. Magazines and advertisements, I believe, should reflect all types of women in society. They should celebrate the beauty that is within each body type, hair type, skin type, etc. But this is just not what they do…. instead, they engulf the unrealistic imagery of models, implanting the idea into young girls, and yes, even women, that this is what they have to look like to get noticed…. to be accepted. Maybe this is why we have issues like eating disorders and low-self esteem… who knows.

From the magazines, I moved on to the scale. I was tired of allowing a number, when I stepped on the scale, tell me how I should feel about myself… am I too fat, too thin, too bloated or obtaining too much water fluid. So, I tossed the scale. I haven’t been on a scale for over 2 years. I believe that you should take care of yourself, of course exercise and eat good… and just love who you are, ENTIRELY YOU. The YOU that you were meant to be. We are all not the same. We are all made differently, so if we feel good and look good (healthy), then why can’t we just love who we see every day in the mirror… loving the skin we are in. I have to be honest, this was hard to do. Suffering from the disease, anorexia nervosa, from age 12 til 18, the distorted image I had of myself, on a daily basis, even after the disease, never really left me. So, loving who “I” am, and not what someone or something else says I should be, is not only empowering, but peaceful.

Then, finally, I moved on to age, and this is when I go back to my conversation with my girlfriend. I see 44 simply as a number. If I feel good, because I know I do my best every day to take care of myself, why should I allow “age” define how “I should” feel? My 44 isn’t defined as “old” or middle-aged… it is just my number, and I feel and look AMAZING. Remember, always take care of you and love you, for YOU… love the skin you’re in, embrace your difference. Never let anyone or anything make you feel any less.

Love always, @thedesiredgurl

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Getting inked…

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Photo: Kat Von D – Pinterest

I had a girlfriend text me recently, so excited to share that she was getting her first tattoo! Knowing her for a while and some of her journey through life, I knew that there was much more to that excitement. Having tattoos myself for years, I knew exactly what she was feeling. You see, I believe getting a tattoo, or getting “inked,” as some may call it, is more than just getting a symbol or some variation of markings permanently needled into your skin. For some, this is an expression of their personality. Or, it may be a symbolic entity of just “being different” and standing out from the main stream society. Or, maybe for the majority, it is a following… you know, because EVERYONE else is doing it. But, for others, tattooing is a sense of empowerment, independence or a documentation of what they have gone through in their lives… a permanent journal, that tells a story for all to see.

I got my first tattoo when I was around 23… I will be 44 next week, so this seems like an eternity ago. I was so scared and nervous, walking into Diversity, located on the strip of the busy streets of Las Vegas. I was so young but yet, so grown. I had my first son when I was 21. I truly believe, when I look back, that I was trying everything in my power, throughout my 20s, to hold on to any drop of youth I felt was stolen from me, just for the simple fact that I had to grow up so quickly after having my baby… and I believe, my first tattoo was just that. It was the traditional yellow smiley face, but the difference was it was sticking out its tongue. It was small and I had it placed on my left outside ankle for all to see. I remember how excited I was about my new tattoo… feeling I did something for myself that actually identified me as “me,” not as a mother, a wife, or anything else. That was the only tattoo I had for a long time.

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Photo: my back tattoo – taken by –     J. Wulff

As I got in my 30s, I was going through a lot of changes. Somehow, I lost myself (for another blog). And as I was going through life changing experiences, I realized that the cute little smiley face tattoo was not who I was anymore. I felt I was more powerful than that smiley face, stronger from what I went through those past few years. After a long while of thinking and contemplating, you know, because tattoos are forever, I knew what I wanted. An orchid is one of my favorite flowers. There are lots of meanings behind the orchid, and the ones I came to know, what I identified with, was nothing short of who I was at that time… a symbol of refinement and beauty. I was improving who I was, finding a sense a beauty within myself. SO, I had them cover the smiley face with the orchid. And although I was covering it, I told the tattoo artist that I wanted to still be able to see faintly the outline of my smiley face… because it was still a part of who I was, and always will be.

Since then I have gotten tattoos down my spine, representing my children, my wrist and my arm, all separate meanings and during separate times of my life…. a documentation. With the Asian arts being a love of mine for a large portion of my life, a lot of the tattooing on my body is just that. Although it may have been common for most to get this type of tattooing, along with the popular “barbed-wire” around the biceps, my reasons for choosing this kind of art on my body is different and more intimate. Remember, always ask the meaning behind an individual’s art, never assume and never judge…. because you never know.

Although I know self-expression and self-growth is not just expressed through tattoos, to me, tattoos can be beautiful and meaningful. And as I go back to that text from my girlfriend, the inspiration of this blog, I knew exactly what she was feeling. To be able to express yourself and do something for yourself, is, in itself, empowering.

Love always, @thedesiredgurl

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The Sexiness of the Moulin Rogue is still alive

During the Belle Epoque era (“Beautiful Age”) of France, people were becoming more liberal and workers were starting to be joined by the middle class in the same venues. More and more aristocrats and socialites were also starting to frequent this area, in search of night time pleasures and sit at the same tables as workers, enjoying laughter and frivolity. Also during this historical period of Paris, was the beginning of the Moulin Rogue. Decorated with mirrors everywhere, a large dance floor, and not forgetting the famous red windmill on top and the elephant in the garden, it first opened its doors on the 6th October 1889.

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Moulin Rouge c. 1899 – Pinterest

The Moulin Rouge was founded by Joseph Oller (1839-1922) and Charles Zidler (1831-1897). In the beginning, the Moulin Rouge would throw champagne-filled parties, during which famous dancers performed. It was also during this time that the world famous quartet, known as the French Can Can, was born. The Moulin Rouge was designed to be a complete mix of elegance, quirky and unusual features, along with a wild atmosphere where aristocrats could mix with riff-raff and girls of easy virtue.

IMG_3360The Moulin Rogue’s decor still embraces much of the romance of France. As soon as you walk up to it, the beauty of the outside tells the history of the building in every detail. The bold colors of reds warn you of what you are about to experience on the inside. Born and raised in a city where topless revues are part of the culture, even today, with shows like Sexxy at the Westgate, I was excited to see where this culture began. When you walk in, the bold colors of reds continue all throughout the inside, along with the historical mirrored walls. The entire ballroom is filled with rows of dinner tables, that are only lit up by the dimmed lighting of the FullSizeRenderFrench styled, red table lamps. You can still feel and smell the original ambiance of what this club was built on. Champagne is still part of the culture of Moulin Rogue. As soon as you walked in, you can hear bottles of champagne popping throughout. With the purchase of your table, you get the choice of either a bottle of champagne or wine to share while watching the show… and because of my love for both champagne and wine, this alone was a for sure way to my heart. You also have the option of purchasing dinner with your show, if you so choose.

The actual show was quite extraordinary, giving you a taste of all the generations the show has lived through… although maintaining a quirkiness of the 70’s throughout. There was a mixture of Can Can, roller skating, chorus lines, a flare of Vegas showgirls and even an aquarium show that included a python!  Truly entertaining and upbeat, all of what I was expecting.  It was non-stop entertainment, filled with singing, dancing and sparkling costumes. Not only do you have beautiful, topless female dancers, but you also have male dancers, just as energized and sparkly as the women.

Although you are not allowed to take pictures during the actual show, I was able to FullSizeRender (1)capture some pictures before and after the show. However, I don’t feel these photos do any justice to the true essence of the Moulin Rouge…. but thought I would share anyway. I have linked the website for the Moulin Rogue above, which you can go to the site directly and learn more about this historical and intriguing venue.

I believe to truly get to know Paris, is to know its history, and the Moulin Rouge is part of the Parisian history. Moulin Rouge is something you don’t want to miss if and when you visit Paris.

Toujours l’amour, @thedesiredgurl

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Falling in love with Paris…

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Photo taken by @zane_weber

Paris. When we hear this word, depending on who and where you are, you may envision the romantic streets at night, the sounds of Parisian music, or the iconic Eiffel Tower. However, when you actually visit Paris, and demand to experience the life and culture of the Parisians, even for just a moment, like with any unknown city or country, you will find so much more to the culture than any media feed or picture can give you… a connection and newfound love for the city that will last a lifetime.

As I sit, writing this blog, listening to the sounds of the rain in this beautiful city, I reflect on my visit to Paris the last four days. I fell in love with the sounds, smells and the Parisian people. I wanted an experience much more than that of a “tourist.” So, with each visit to a palace, a chapel, an architectural design, or even a bridge, I wanted to make sure to embrace it and understand its history. I wanted to walk the streets, outside the tourist eccentric sections of the city and eat at the places visited by the native Parisians. Although we visited many places; Notre-Dame de Paris, The Louvre (got to see the MONA LISA), Palace of Versailles, Catacombes, and Sainte-Chapelle, and it will take several detailed blogs to go over each one, I will share with you what truly inspired me and enlightened my soul during my time here…

First, the biggest struggle, even right now as I write this blog, is the time difference. Paris is 9 hours ahead of the U.S. So, we are eating and going about our day, when we are normally sleeping. It has been hard to stay awake during the day, even with a full night’s rest, but we are getting used to it, which will be helpful for our next stop, London! Just something to keep in mind when traveling. They said to sleep on the plane! Well, sometimes that is not as easy as it sounds. 🙂

With the weather, we have been very lucky. The first 3 days here, it was in its 80’s, which we learned from our newfound Parisian friends, the 80s is very hot for them and shocking that it came so soon this year. Yesterday and today were a little cooler, with temperatures in the 60s and a little rain… more of what to expect for Paris’ weather, and after experiencing the hotter days, this was a relief.

My biggest love… The Eiffel Tower! Such an amazing site! No photo or video clip can ever truly illuminate the beauty and ambiance of this great architectural structure. Originally built as the temporary entrance for the 1889 World’s Fair, this structure still stands and is adored by many… with no doubts to the reasons why. Go to the 2nd floor, and you have a great view of the entire city! We were lucky enough to have a Parisian point out the historical parts of the city from this level, explaining the history of the original gate of Paris, the forest and river, which you can learn more about at The Louvre. I felt alive around this beauty…. It truly took my breath away and will always be close to my heart. Visit her at night, starting at 10 p.m., and she will sparkle for you for five minutes at the top of each hour.

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Love lock! I know this may be cliché, but this was a MUST for me! I felt by doing this, our love and presence in this city would then become part of Paris forever… such a sappy romantic, I am. 🙂 Once part of the Pont des Arts bridge, which connects The Louvre to the Institut de France, the original love locks were removed from this bridge in 2015, for fear the weight of the locks would damage the structure. The love locks have since been moved to other areas, surrounding the Pont des Arts bridge…. so, we were lucky to be able to experience this tradition of the city.

Food! I was so excited to see dishes different from what I see in the U.S., even in my IMG_3328hometown of Las Vegas, where there are MANY choices of culturally based restaurants. I indulged in dishes that included thin sliced ham, duck, variety of raw cheeses, steak-frites, and croque-monsieur. And the bread is everywhere! Coming from a culture where bread is seen as the enemy, bread is a staple and love here… CROISSANTS and BAGUETTES are everything!!! Of course I could not leave Paris without eating ESCARGOT… A MUST! And let’s not forget the desserts… macarons and crêpes in all different flavors, which was my husband’s “love experience” with the city… lol! However, my note on my food experience will not be complete without mentioning McDonald’s. A U.S. staple, I had a Parisian tell me that we had to try the McDonald’s here because it’s different than what we find in our country. Paris, unlike the U.S., has strict regulations on their food, even fast food. The processed foods that we are so accustom to in our homeland, are not a practice here in Paris. What does that mean for McDonald’s, real meat! They also have so many different custom sandwiches to choose from, aside from your traditional Big Mac and Quarter Pounder. The variety of coffee is plentiful too… expressos, cappuccinos and such. 🙂

Paris has been AMAZING! There are so many details and experiences that would be hard to cover in one blog, but I wanted to share just a few experiences that are near and dear to my heart. Although, to truly know this city, is to come to Paris and experience it for yourself! I am sure that there will be excursions and sites that YOU would personally like to experience, that is separate from mine noted here, and that is what’s so intimate about Paris. If your dream was to ever come to Paris, never stop dreaming… it’s an amazing city, and although your experience will be different from my experience, the commonality is that the city and experience will INSPIRE YOU. Inspiration is one of the key ingredients to happiness… so continually seek inspiration from life…

We have one more day here and the next biggest love of mine is the Moulin Rouge… and I believe that deserves a blog post all its own… so STAY TUNED!!!

Toujours l’amour, @thedesiredgurl

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Instagram image from @jojo_mars

I am about to go on the honeymoon of my dreams… and I can’t wait to share it with all of you.

Zane and I originally planned to go to Bora Bora for our honeymoon when we were preparing for our wedding last year (m: 8/8/16). Bora Bora has been a place I have always dreamed of visiting since my early teens. But, such as life, things change… or should I say, are compromised. As we were booking our honeymoon late last year, we were making up our lists of all the things we wanted to do when we got to Bora Bora. Well, after a couple of days of researching, my list consisted of laying on the beach, drinking cocktails and more laying on the beach… my husband’s list, blank!! My husband looked at me with this “straight look” on his face and said, “I think I’m going to be bored.” I just stared at him with that, not so “happy wife, happy life” look. The thing about my loving husband is that he needs constant interaction; walking around and seeing different buildings, museums, etc. The idea of laying on the beach and drinking “foo foo” drinks, he wasn’t liking so much. So, after rolling my eyes several times and maybe ignoring him for a couple of days (not really), I came to a conclusion that I needed to compromise… that’s what marriage is about, right? I wanted Zane to be just as excited about this honeymoon as I was. So…… we chose Paris and London!!! Fortunately for me, Paris and London have also been places that I dreamed about often since I was a little girl… falling in love with any movies or photos (like the one above) that included either of these amazing places in them. So, when he mentioned them as an idea, I was instantly on board!!! All that comes to my head when thinking of Paris and London, as I am sure for many of you, is ROMANCE, ROMANCE, ROMANCE! We are going to be in the two most romantic places in the world, AND I CAN’T WAIT!!!!

We decided to take our honeymoon nine months after our wedding, to give us time to plan and ensure that we don’t miss any details. One thing I for sure want to share here…. American Express has a phenomenal concierge service! We called and just told them where we wanted to go and ideas of places we wanted to see and they did EVERYTHING for us!! They booked our flights (also researched for the best rates), our hotels, our city transportation passes, our train from Paris to London and gave us ideas on what to visit and do… they created a full itinerary for us!! There are places I would have never even thought of, if it wasn’t for them. Just some of the items on our itinerary: PARIS: Seine Cruise, Eiffel Tower, Louvre Museum, Versailles, Moulin Rouge, etc London: London Eye, Stonehenge, Phantom of the Opera at the theater, etc. They also booked lunches and dinners at several restaurants… AMAZING RIGHT!? For my fellow American Express card holders, just an idea for any of your future trips, ANYWHERE!!

Well, I am going to go finish packing! Can’t wait to share all the photos and blogs about our adventures with all of you. I will also be sharing some photos on my Instagram and Facebook account, so make sure to FOLLOW (links are below)! STAY TUNED!!!

Love always, @thedesiredgurl

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How Bikram Yoga saved me

First, it has been a long journey to be able to share things so personal about myself. Most of the things I will share on my blogs are the first anyone has ever heard…. including my own family. I have grown to a place of peace with myself, where I am gaining control of my life again and being able to share, breaking down the many walls I have built over the years. This is one of the reasons I started this blog project… in hopes that maybe I can INSPIRE someone. 🙂

When I was 16 years old, I was involved in a bad DUI accident (I was the passenger). The pickup truck I was in, flipped over 6 times and was destroyed. I was told later that my friend had to drag me out of the shattered windshield. Troopers were shocked that we survived. As a result, I was punctured in my face, which was so swollen and bruised that my eyelashes and eyebrows fell out over time. My back, however, was the biggest challenge. My spine was curved to the point that I had to have 1 1/2 years of treatment/therapy and was told I could never carry babies full term in the future…. although very painful, I carried 2 almost 9 lb boys, both full term 🙂

Since that accident, I lived my life in pain everyday. Taking pain medications when I really needed to… went to bed in pain and woke up in pain. Then one day my friend asked if I wanted to try Bikram yoga. I had absolutely no idea what it was, but went… I think I could have punched her during that class… lol (if you every tried Bikram, you know why I’m saying that). That was 3 years ago. Although my friend stopped going (Boo), I continued, and over time I gained strength and mobility in my back! My pain started subsiding, where I didn’t need pain meds anymore and I was able to touch my toes again! The pictures above show how far I can do back bends…. never in my life did I ever think I could do this with my spine! Physically, I was growing from my yoga practice.

Next was my mind…. this has been the biggest challenge for me, even still. Since my teens, I have suffered from depression. Never clinically getting help, I have been struggling off and on with it throughout the years…. maybe one day I will share more, but not today 🙂 Bikram yoga has saved me in a spiritual way…. getting to know who I am and giving me the power to love myself unconditionally. Allowing me to be truly happy….. the DESIRE I have had for years.

I believe that most of us are broken in some way (physically or emotionally). When talking to my friends that I have gained over the years in the Bikram community (another plus), they all have a story on how they journeyed into their practice. Although I know that Bikram yoga may not be for everybody, what’s important is that we embrace our life journey, whether it’s good or bad, learn from it and always work on OURSELVES! With the craziness of life, we are always taking care of others and just “stuff,” that we tend to forget about taking care of ourselves, spending time on actually growing as a person and getting to know who “we” are… it is so easy to lose yourself.

Love and always take care of YOU….

Love always, @thedesiredgurl

 

 

Why am I doing blogs?

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My friend, Danni, first brought up the idea about me starting a blog a few months ago. She instilled in me the confidence that “I actually” have something to say to the world… that I have things to share. When thinking about it, I noticed how much I am on social media already. Loving it, for the simple fact of being able to share with my friends… all my accomplishments, places I visit, food and venues I love, family and just simply my passions in life. Then I thought, why not share these things with other people, that extends outside Instagram and Facebook, people I have never met… people that I can hopefully connect with? Then I thought, I am a professor!!!! I already do this in my classrooms… inspiring, motivating and sharing “real life” experiences with my students….  so, why not? A few months went by and I never acted on it… call it laziness or call it being sidetracked… but the blog idea was then “tabled” in my head.

Then of course, there’s my husband. 🙂 Talking to me one day about the idea of me blogging and sharing, also saying he thought I had things to say that can inspire and motivate others…. maybe it’s because I talk too much about things to him, so he’s using this idea as a filter…. lol! So, HERE I AM!

As a beginner blogger, I am trying to keep my formats simple, as it relates to my website and content… just for now. I will, however, disclose that I will never blog about 2 things… RELIGION and POLITICS. I want my blogs to be positive in nature and these 2 topics create too many emotions that can be too negative, pushing away the very reason for them. I want to share things that I hope we have in common… random thoughts, ideas, fitness and staying mindfully SANE, food experiences, nightlife experiences, trips, passions, struggles, and DESIRES… this blog is EVERYTHING!! I hope we can connect on some of these things… sharing the journey of “just life” together.

I have also created an Instagram account (@thedesiredlyfe – LINK BELOW) The IG is not a representation to the blog entirely…. just a great addition to it. I share photos, hoping to MOTIVATE and INSPIRE. The goal in life, for all of us, should be to stay positive and strive for what we want… whether it’s a trip that we want to take, food or cocktails we want to try, material things that we WANT AND FEEL THAT WE NEED or simply a photo that puts a smile on our face for the day…. and that is the goal of my IG account…. SO PLEASE FOLLOW @thedesiredlyfe too!!!!!!

So I hope you enjoy reading as much as I will love sharing…. LET THE BLOGGING BEGIN!!! Talk soon!

Love always, @thedesiredgurl