This past Father’s Day is the inspiration of this blog. The biggest challenge I have been dealing with, for the majority of my life, is living without a father and coming to terms with it. There are a lot of pieces to be put back together and a lot of wounds to be healed, but, for now, I will say this…

My dad, the man who raised me since I was 2, died of cancer, when I was 13. The pain IMG_3992involved with watching an over 6 foot, 200 pound man, slowly wither away, is a memory that has scarred me forever. I don’t think I can ever get the images out of my head. So, since that time, I have pushed through life, always wondering what it would be like with him still in it… but, at the same time, never regretting how far I have come without him. Of course, there are times when I miss him most, the birth of my kids, my wedding day… but, there are also times I am angry. That anger is a part of what fuels me every day, to better myself, learn to live without regrets, and truly believe that everything in life DOES happen for a reason…

“Daddy issues,” as they call it, is a term that has mocked women, for as long as I can remember. This term, in essence, is culturally defined as, girls having issues with men, in their adult life, because of the broken and crappy relationships with their father growing up, or even as a result of the father being non-existent in the girl’s life. It is believed, by experts and found in research, that the quality of father-daughter relationships is

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Photo: Google

a huge deciding factor when it comes to romantic relationships. This may have some truth to it. However, I don’t believe that this only applies to females… what about males? Boys can have broken relationships with their dads, or maybe their dads were absent from their lives too, that may result in faulty relationships in their adult lives. Yet, we only attach this term to females. Men, for the most part, are conditioned to be “strong” and not “weak.” Therefore, hiding the fact that they may be experiencing affects from not having a stable father in their lives… and the affects experienced, by both men and women, can go on and on. However, I don’t feel that this is something to be taken lightly. In order to heal the pain or hurt, caused by losing or not having a consistent father-figure in one’s life, takes a special person to help with that… be it a friend, another family member or significant other. People wanting to ridicule people, instead of maybe wanting to understand and help, is a quality, I believe, some human beings lack. We are fearful of things we don’t understand. So, in order to understand it, we tend to create humor and maybe, even take advantage of it.

So, I am here to tell you that, “daddy issues,” as it’s called, is not to be taken lightly. The IMG_3991person that is experiencing it, be it male or female, may be going through a lot of pain… which is true in my case. Sure, I have had problems in all my relationships with men, throughout my life. I have had trust issues, communication issues, dated men older than me, and just had issues with how to let a man in my life… letting my walls down, entirely. However, that ONE special man came into my life and is tearing down those walls, brick by brick… simply by loving me for me and loving all of me, without judgement. I am affected every day because of losing my father at such a young age. I may not talk about it, and most people don’t even know it’s a struggle I am go through… but, it is real. There are so many doors to be closed and so much to still come to terms with… but, that healing process is coming slowly for me.

So, if you are one of the lucky ones that has never lost, one way or another, never lose sight on the blessing that you have, as an adult. Yes, parents may drive us crazy at times, but remember that, when they love you, endlessly, they always just want the best for you… always. My advice to the people affected by either losing a father (no matter what the context), or never having a father consistently in their life, heal in your own way and on your own pace. Don’t ever let anyone make you feel inadequate, insignificant, or that YOU are the problem and they aren’t. If they do, it’s because they are not the one to be in your life… leave them behind and move on…. someone along your path will someday pick up the pieces and help fill that void that we, every day, struggle with…. genuinely. Take care of you…

Love always, @thedesiredgurl

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2 thoughts on “Daddy issues… not to be taken lightly

  1. I agree completely with all of the above. Very well explained and described for those of us who have experienced the void of our father in life.

    Like

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